People have different beliefs, values and priorities and as human beings, one of our purposes is to connect and support each other. However, have you had times when you just feel drained and miserable after being in the company of some or in getting sucked into their drama? Don’t feel bad or allow yourself to become negative and unhappy as well, don’t allow yourself to get “infected”. As with any infection, what determines who it affects more? Our own immunity. In this article I’d like to share the five most effective ways to un-plug yourself from negativity. If you have been following my work or reading my books, you will be familiar with the repetitive use of the words plugging in, and many have written in to ask me, how to “un-plug” if needed. The complexities of life and human connections have shown me that things are never just black and white. Without empathy and the willingness to listen and understand each other, we are just soul-less creatures only taking what we need from the Universe.
1. Pay less attention to them by re-focusing on what really matters in your own life. Look at the areas that you have influence over and invest your time and energy there. Look for people who you know you can support and who’s energy and thoughts you enjoy. Notice when you feel nourished and healthy when spending time with some people and find ways of spending more time with them. Sometimes the negativity you want to unplug from is actually in your own thoughts. Notice the time you complain and worry and encourage yourself to re-focus on the good stuff in your life and things to smile about no matter what the day brings.
2. Strengthen the energy bubble around you. Actively, add positive influences into your days. Notice the books you read and the TV shows you watch. Look at the friends and colleagues you hang out with. You can’t really un-plug, you need to plug into something else. PLUG IN MORE into desirable “sockets” or portals and that will automatically help you UNPLUG from the ones that drain and de-rail you. Some of my suggestions may sound a little harsh, but there was a time when I stopped watching crime shows on TV and also reading the newspapers as I felt they only added negative imagery and ideas to my thoughts. I also started to ignore and avoid people who wanted to engage in gossip or opinions that did not enrich my life in anyway. I questioned my motives when I connected with people and found the strength to only connect when I really wanted to and never just to earn brownie points to cash in on at a later stage or out of any obligation or social expectations. I highly recommend and practise centering, which I also call plugging in. This is an exercise where you connect with your own body, emotions, language and feel the pull of the earth and a stretch upward towards the skies, and this helps you to find your centre and acknowledge yourself. Plugging in to anyone else, no matter how wonderful that person may be is losing a sense of that balance that only centering around your own axis can give. Having personal rituals, commitments, goals and a focus in your life will help you to un-plug from anything undesirable or unhelpful around you as you will be so occupied and you will build immunity and resistance to any external energies that are not supportive to where you want to go.
3. The most important step: Look for the good – in the people who you feel have a negative impact or influence in your life. Realise that their sole purpose of existence is not to hurt you or upset you, but this is in fact the best that they know to live their own lives. Think of the things that they have given to you or perhaps taught you and look at how they contributed to your life. I mentioned above how I did ignore and stay away from some people, but that did not mean that I do not actively look for the positive attributes in them and appreciate what they bring to my life and the lives of others. I just chose not to spend my time with them as much. Without love, empathy and the willingness to understand each other, we are no different from creatures who live just for survival.
4. Stop needing. This may seem easier said than done as many of you are hurting and allowing yourself to be tortured mentally and emotionally every day by thoughts of unrequited love or the need to hear from someone in a certain way. Anything they say to you is not enough and you just can’t understand why they don’t feel the same attraction for you as you do for them or care for you the way you care for them. This is felt in many relationships, not just romantic interests. Often it is a boss, colleague or in-law that just does not show you the appreciation you crave. Stop needing or seeking their approval or liking. Stop trying so hard to please and give while you are silently keeping stock of all you have done and then you suffer because it is not reciprocated in the same weight that you saw it. This is something I have covered extensively in the Chapter on Letting Go in “Don’t Think of a Blue Ball,” but the bottom line is this: The most attractive thing you can do is to love yourself and not need anyone to make you feel good, this lack of neediness will give you confidence, and confidence makes you sexy and attractive!”
5. Forgive and let go. Allowing people who can only hurt you through what they say and what they don’t say to stay in your life is only going to take away more of your self esteem and positive energy, leaving you depleted and even more needy, and hence, less attractive to the good things and people waiting to come in if only you will open the door. Harbouring anger and resentment about someone is “like drinking poison in the hope that it will kill your enemy.” Or even allowing them to occupy rent-free space in your mind. Why would you do that in this age of high rentals?